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St. Louis Cardinals: May the Fourth Be With You…

It's Star Wars night again at Busch Stadium.

This is the article you’re looking for. You don’t need to see in-depth Cardinals information. Move Along…(to the rest of the article I mean).

In the saturated world of internet blogs, in addition to the standard media outlets, Cardinals coverage rains down upon us constantly. Therefore, when handed a rain-out, insightful topics tend to run dry, unlike the weather. Even on the sunny day this week, we were hit with a Tsunami (see: Carlos Martinez‘s Twitter handle @Tsunamy27) and we’ve been flooded with Kolten Wong articles. Seeking shelter from the storm, I have decided to splash in the puddles of frivolity today. (No more rain puns, I swear…the weather is clear from here on out.)

Today is May 4th, which many people recognize as “Star Wars Day” due to the similarity between the words ‘May the Fourth’ and ‘May the Force’. With that theme in mind, I decided I would try to draw a few parallels between Star Wars characters and members of the St. Louis Cardinals. To avoid getting carried away I won’t match every single player with a character, just a handful. I will warn you, if you are unfamiliar with Star Wars, this might not make much sense. Hope you enjoy.

Adam Wainwright / Luke Skywalker

Waino swings the bat like a Star Wars lightsaber

He was just a young maverick in 2006 when he dropped that proton torpedo of a curveball on Carlos Beltran and helped guide the rebellion-like 83-win Cardinals to a World Series championship. Later, Waino would lose an arm (Tommy John) but came back stronger than ever thanks to the feats of modern medicine, much like Luke with his robotic hand. He’s even had a couple lengthy stays in the Dagobah System (Disabled Listed). Adam has long been the prevailing leading man of the Cardinals Saga. Now he stands as a grizzled veteran and fans are a bit unsure of his role going forward.

Yadier Molina / Han Solo

Yadi is rivaled only by Adam Wainwright in notoriety over the past 10+ years of Cardinals baseball. Based solely on that, this makes him the Han Solo of the organization. However, it does not end there for Yadier Molina. A gunslinger by trade he has successfully navigated many a pitcher through asteroid field level predicaments. Even when he lays low for a while he comes through in the clutch, much like Han in A New Hope. After batting .215 in 2006, he had a stellar post-season. I want to mention specifically his NLCS Game 7, go ahead HR that cleared the way for Wainwright to “blow this thing and go home.” As he grows older, the odds of maintaining his high games played totals decrease dramatically. But never tell him the odds.

Mike Matheny / Jar Jar Binks

A big thumbs up for Star Wars from Mike Matheny

A superfluous character, the Cardinals push forward and have success despite his missteps. Though the ways he gets to success are sometimes tough to watch, he amazingly comes out ahead most of the time. Somehow he managed to come into a position of authority with absolutely no experience. Unlike Jar Jar, he can’t be blamed for the rise of the Empire (Chicago Cubs). Still, one can’t help but wonder what story would have looked like without him playing a major role. He is someone that I really enjoyed watching as a kid, and then slowly lost appreciation for as I grew older. (Note: I have nothing personal against Mike Matheny and this is perhaps too harsh. He is not a good tactician, but that doesn’t make him a bad guy. This is all in fun.)

John Mozeliak / Darth Vader (Annakin Skywalker)

First of all, I’m going to ignore that Vader is a villain. Throw that out, Mo is not the bad guy in this film. Rather, Mo is the true main character of the Cardinals franchise. He is the common link that the story moves through. His decisions, good and bad, determine the direction of the Saga. Though he doesn’t take the field or fill out the lineup card, his use of the force has heavy influence over the daily success of the team. Although he is not the “Emperor” of the franchise (see: Bill Dewitt, Jr.), much of the power is deferred to him. If you question the calls that he makes, he finds your lack of faith disturbing.

Carlos Martinez / Kylo Ren

Again, forget the villainy with this character. Much like Kylo Ren’s mask is unnecessary and worn solely to make himself look cool, Martinez has sported wild hair extensions for most of this young season. Understudies of Wainwright/Skywalker, both of theses characters are still growing, emotional, unfinished products. Prone to bursts of wildness, they have the capacity for greatness. However, they are still learning how to use the powers that they possess. Fairly new to the saga, we are signed up with these guys for the long run. We sincerely hope they can be as memorable as those that have come before.

Seung-Hwan Oh / R2-D2 : Eugene Koo / C-3PO

Star Wars is fun for the whole family

These guys are a packaged deal. Small in stature, Oh is a huge part of the team’s success. Where R2-D2 saved the rebellion by opening doors on Cloud City, Seung-Hwan Oh saves the Cardinals by closing doors in the 9th inning. And then there’s Eugene Koo, following him around. The resident translator (C-3PO was fluent in over 6 million languanges), he is the only guy in the Cardinals universe that understands what Oh is saying.

Honorable Mention

Here’s a few more that aren’t fully developed but fun all the same.
Randal Grichuk as Chewbacca – Not in looks, heavens no. But he has a couple clutch offensive performances this year, akin to Chewie’s rescues of Yoda and Rey in the Saga.
Matt Carpenter as Obi-wan Kenobi – The bearded man is not afraid to be struck down with his weapon still sitting on his shoulder.
Kolten Wong as the Ewoks – Under-appreciated and often criticized, there is no denying that his success is pivotal to victory.
Dan McLaughin as Admiral Akbar – Simply because any time an outfielder catches the ball on a short-hop he has the opportunity to exclaim, “IT’S A TRAP!”

 

Thanks for reading! Follow me on Twitter for more Cardinals talk. 

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