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St. Louis Cardinals: 16 Reasons to Keep Losing

The St. Louis Cardinals season would get over quicker, therefore pleasing our supreme galactic timekeeper overlord Rob Manfred. All Hail Manfred.

ESPN will move St. Louis up on the short list for a “30 for 30” entitled “You lost the Rams, now kick yourselves in the balls.”

We can all start our St. Louis Blues season early.

Despite pressure from the fan base to fire Mike Matheny, John Mozeliak can tell newly-hired assistant G.M. James Comey to “see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Mike go. He is a good guy. I hope you can let this go. He’s been through a lot.”

The manhunt for Jeff Fisher’s mustache cream can really get going.

Mike Matheny can use the extra time to move out of his mother’s basement.

The entire bullpen can take an early vacation to the Bermuda Triangle – and never return.

Jedd Gyorko can start negotiations on his 7 year, $400-million dollar extension

Preparations for the next Winter Classic can get started early

We can miss earlier on top notch free agents despite Mozeliak promising “changes.”

Dexter Fowler can begin the process of moving his family away from St. Louis, calling it a “Heyward.”

John Mozeliak will have first dibs at the Brooks Brothers outlet mall at the Annual Winter Meetings.

Jhonny Peralta can give the Cardinals the list of teams that won’t sign him in the off-season.

Matt Carpenter can spend multiple months crying until he figures out where he can bat in the line-up.

Randall Grichuk can start his modeling career, and effectively end his baseball one.

The RedBird Daily can start interviewing for funnier, more coherent and knowledgeable writers.

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