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Major League Baseball: Slow the F%$k Down

A friend of mine sent my group chat one of the most ridiculous and nonsensical pieces of information I have ever heard this week.

It wasn’t the latest video of protests to Trump, some fan remake of “Bad & Boujee,” or our usual crazy sports reaction stories.

No, it was something much worse.

By the way, this group chat is full of friends that I have known for years, some of them for over 20, and we discuss everything under the sun.

Rightly named “The Flask,” after our fantasy football league that requires you to down a large flask of “adult beverage” if you finish last, no stone goes un-turned.

Most of our conversations though revolve around sports, as most of us played in high school (I was awful) and some even in college, and debating even the smallest of topics.

This piece of crap idea that my friend broke to us was also sports – and involves putting headsets in the helmets of catchers in a means to continue to speed up the game of baseball.

This crap is actually happening, and I didn’t know this isn’t really a new idea. See the video from 2015 below.

I am a big technology guy – I not only advocate for the advancement of it, but the use of it to better our society.

Where I don’t like it is in the most historic sport in our nation’s history.

We have already ruined the game with instant replay, have the worst idea of what a thrown strike actually is thanks to ESPN’s “K-Zone,” and have made anyone with a computer and access to Baseball Reference they are now a professional scout or advanced Moneyball tycoon.

Technology not only has made it’s way into Major League Baseball, it saturates itself within the game.

I am over the fact technology has infiltrated the MLB, but this new revelation of inserting headsets into catchers is just maniacal. Sure it looks cool, but at what point does Major League Baseball just say no?

Human error is what makes baseball, and any sport so great. It provides controversy, debates (including screaming matches in a group chat), and influences the game. There are blown calls, great calls, and things that make us, as fans, scratch their heads.

I realize Major League Baseball has recently gotten itself into a big damn hurry, trying to turn 2.5 hour games into what seems like 1 hour match-ups, but as a lover of the game, I stand up and say SLOW THE F$%& DOWN baseball.

Where do you get off thinking you could be played in less than two hours?

I don’t appreciate people in this world trying to slow down a game that has provided me and the world with so much.

Aside from games that Lance Lynn pitches, (you can speed those up every single day of the week, just awful to sit through), Major League Baseball needs to keep itself in check and realize that people do actually like spending time at the ballpark.

While certain technological advances have made the game safer and more efficient in terms of actual outcome, there is one thing we don’t need to be rid of – and that is the game itself.

Although games in the Major Leagues have sped up in the last few years due to new rules and the inclusion of instant replay (still dumb), we cannot lose the game in a quest for ratings.

The MLB is wanting to attract new audiences (millennials) who will sit at the ballpark, but only for a designated amount of time it seems like.

To me, they are trying way too hard, and coming up with stupid ideas like this inclusion of headsets for catchers to wear.

We need more human entity in this game, not to be regulated and reliant upon technology.

Can you imagine Yadier Molina wearing a headset?? Talk about his entire career being in question…

If a guy (shit, can you imagine Mike Matheny talking to you all game?) has to wear an ear piece to call pitches, what actually makes him a good catcher?

I want my catcher calling the game, and to be able to know how to call a game while working with his battery mate on the mound.

I don’t need or want to go to a game and watch a robot behind the plate, just at the expense of sitting at Busch Stadium for another hour.

To me, if we have to speed up the greatest game in the world for someone to like it, they probably shouldn’t be there in the first place.

This game is the most prone to human error. Hell we have a designated statistic for it (E).

A bounce there, a wide slide into second base here, a moonshot that nicks the foul pole in right – these are things that make baseball so beautiful.

We need to keep that intact, because the world around us is moving fast enough.

When you walk into the ballpark, it is nice to slow down a little bit.

I promise you, the wait is well worth it.


Thanks for reading.



Follow @TonOfClayton for more nonsense, tears and comedy. 





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