I opened Twitter today to see that the world was on fire. The official Cardinals account – @Cardinals – Had written something terrible and offensive. Naturally I started prowling and searching Twitter so that I could be offended too! Because I want you to also feel the pain caused by this tweet, here is a screenshot of it:
I know. You’re upset. You hurt. You want to lash out. I feel the same way. You all know me. I HATE anything that’s offensive in the slightest. I can’t stand it at all. Let’s face it, I don’t come to Twitter to be offended, except for the previously mentioned specific quest to find this tweet.
You don’t either. Except Now. Because you have opened an article SPECIFICALLY to remind you about all of the times you’ve been offended by the Cardinals account. Well, I’m here to indulge you. These will be offensive.
And please, and I cannot stress this enough, don’t blame me for these tweets. I did not write them. I definitely did not go to http://tweetfake.com/ and create them on my own. They are the real thing, and they are reprehensible.
I know, I know, some of the more sinister people out there will actually think that I made these up on my own. To you I say: How dare you. Try to find one thing in my past that might lead you to believe that I could joke about subjects like these. I am but a choir boy reporting the news. Your fight is not with me.
OK, you’ve been warned. I don’t want any of your crap.
10 Other Times the Cardinals Social Media Account Has Offended You:
That time they got all nihilist on us.
That time they seemed a little insincere about their concern.
That time they welcomed Jason Heyward back to St. Louis
That time they were even more blatant about giving women jewelry.
That time they took sides after the election.
That time they weighed in on the 2015 Cy Young Race.
That time they disrespected Jason Simontacchi.
That time they offered helpful advice to the Cubs.
That time they finally commented on Tyler Dunnington
That time they looked for someone to blame in Ferguson
Wow. Terrible right? The Cardinals have a serious problem here, because it would take one screwed up son-of-a-bitch to think of tweets like these, and yet here they are. I can’t imagine a respectable site letting these sorts of things represent them. I can guarantee you that Redbird Daily would never stand to let these types of things be published under their name. They are better than that.